Have you ever had a tough day of parenting and wondered, ‘Hang on a second – there should be a manual for this or some kind of instruction booklet’? Because that would be ideal, right? Some sort of handy book of guidelines that you could follow, a method to measure how well you are parenting and pages you can run to when things are not going so well.
Bad news.
It doesn’t exist!
However, what does exist is KIRO! Not so much a means of measuring how well you are doing because be rest assured: if you are waking up and taking care of your children on a daily basis, you are already doing well! Nevertheless, KIRO stands to be your one-stop shop for help with becoming a more intentional parent.
There are so many blind spots in parenting, and they are impossible to see unless pointed out. As incredible and rewarding as parenting is, we cannot dispute that it can get…well…complicated.
Dr Christian Conte came up with a simple approach that parents can use to help guide their children and called it the 4 C’s of parenting.
1. CHOICES
This is about empowering children with opportunities to make choices, even small ones; it helps them develop autonomy and decision-making skills.
The power behind choices is greater than anything you might be able to immediately see. For example, if you constantly tell your children what to do, then you might not realise that you are training them to learn to wait for you to tell them what to do. If, on the other hand, you can consciously provide choices and give your children the space to choose, then they will soon learn the value and power of choice. Children who grow up being offered choices have a better understanding of what comes after every choice.
2. CONSEQUENCES
Ensuring that actions have logical and appropriate consequences, both positive and negative, helps children learn from their experiences and understand the impact of their choices.
Following on from no. 1 being choices, naturally consequences, because every choice we make has a consequence. Providing appropriate consequences for your children prepares them for their future, since every single decision our children ever make in life (no matter their age) will come standard with a consequence.
In parenting, consequences can be both positive and negative. Parents need to instil a system of positive and negative consequences in children so that they understand that their choices have repercussions in the broader world.
Also read: Let’s talk Tantrums…..In public!
3. CONSISTENCY
In other words, if you say something, follow through with what you say. When you’re consistent with what you say, your children learn that you actually mean what you say. However, it’s not just being consistent in what you say; it’s also being consistent in parenting approaches, rules, and expectations that builds trust and security for children, allowing them to understand what is expected of them.
Routine and a stable environment are very important in positive child development. Children who know what to expect can become more confident in how their family and parents support them. Consistency in time and routine is important so that children get used to what comes next.
4. COMPASSION
This is a personal favourite. This is approaching parenting with empathy, understanding, and a genuine desire to support your child’s needs, which helps create a loving and nurturing environment.
Remember that, as a parent, it’s your job to teach your children. Children haven’t been around as long as you have. They’re learning their world; you as the parent are their primary guide and teacher. Your children deserve compassion with each lesson you give them, and they certainly need it when they make choices that lead to difficult or uncomfortable consequences.
Overall, these 4 Cs are great instruments on the days you feel overwhelmed, unsure of how to respond or struggle with how to handle tough situations. Deciding to parent with intentionality is deciding to give your children the very best version of you. A conscientious version of yourself. The Four C’s enable you to show up intentionally, provide safety and stability for your children and do so lovingly.
What do you think?
If you are struggling with any of the 4Cs, click HERE to book a discovery call.
