Also known as ‘authoritarian’, a.k.a. ‘no-nonsense parent, a.k.a. ‘the disciplinarian, a.k.a. ‘stern’ / ‘firm’ parent.
The old-school word for the no-nonsense parent is ‘strict’. That label, especially in this present age of ‘gentle parenting’, seems quite… well, counterculture and almost ‘abusive’. In fact, parents who are labelled as strict get a bad rep, even though rigid rules and high expectations often come from a good place.
Let’s face it, there can be both positive and negative aspects to strict parenting. On one hand, it carries the function of fostering discipline and instilling responsibility. However, through generations we have seen the other side of it leading to rebellion and resentment towards parents.
Parenting is already challenging, and then the added challenge of finding the most constructive and intentional ways to parent??… Now that can be stressful!
However, figuring out the best approach that works out to be the best for each child is important. To raise a well-rounded adult, it takes you, as the parent, navigating expectations of your child with consequences and other responsibilities. To achieve this goal, some parents use control, ‘obey before complaint’, and dare I say, the ‘military style’ approach, whilst some parents are overly lenient in achieving this goal.
“Authoritarian style”
Definition
Authoritarian-type parents are generally strict and inflexible. They impose a particular set of inflexible rules on their child and expect the child to obey without questioning their rules or expectations.”
Which of these approaches achieve the best results for their kids?
While the research shows strict or authoritarian parenting can be good in some ways, it often has negative effects.
Research shows (check out this paper right HERE) that children who grow up with authoritarian parents are often well-behaved. This is explained to be because strict parents set clear expectations of their child’s behaviour, and children know what’s expected of them.
Let’s also keep it real – their children ‘behaving well’ is driven by fear with an understanding that if they don’t live up to the expectation set, there will be consequences. This approach is deemed more helpful in younger years.
Children raised with ‘strict’ parents also often have high expectations of themselves and become goal-driven children. Research conducted with Chinese college students showed that those with authoritarian parents also had high personal expectations of themselves. It is also no coincidence that authoritarian parenting has been linked to higher levels of academic achievement.
Also read: Affirmations for Parents
This is all good, right? But what are the disadvantages?
The sad news is that researchers have found links between strict parenting and negative mental health outcomes in various countries, including childhood anxiety and depression. When they do not meet high expectations, there is a tendency to attach achievement to their sense of self-worth, and this can be detrimental to their mental health in the future. This has also led to lower self-esteem, which leads to difficulty making decisions.
There is also a tendency for strict parenting to raise children with less empathy and social acceptance by their peers. Strict parenting styles have traditionally led to more rebellion in children, especially in the teenage years.
However, without the structure, guidance, discipline and responsibility that ‘strict’ parenting offers, it can lead to extremely detrimental behaviour, a lack of emotional intelligence, lower academic achievement, disregard for respect and all the other elements that lead to them growing into a well-rounded adult.
Where is the balance?
The authoritative parenting style, which finds a balance between having rules and supporting them if they don’t meet them, research has found to have the best outcomes.
Keeping that line of communication open between you and your child is foundational for their communication, and giving them room to make mistakes is a sure path for raising successful and happy children.
Dear Parent – you’re doing amazing! Keep going!
