I had a thought this morning at the gym.
One of those thoughts that sneaks up on you between squats and stretches.
When was the last time I actually told my kids what I love about them?
Not corrected them.
Not reminded them what they forgot.
Not told them what they need to do better.
But actually…
told them what I love about who they are.
And if I’m honest, I had to think a little too hard to answer that.
We Show Love… But Do We Say It?
Most of us love our kids fiercely.
We show it in packed lunches, late nights, school runs, and “Have you done your homework?”
Some of us are great with hugs and cuddles.
Some of us show love through doing things for them.
Some of us worry, provide, sacrifice, and protect.
But how often do we say the good stuff out loud?
How often do we tell them:
- what we admire about them
- what makes them special
- what we notice about their character
- what makes our heart proud
For some parents, even thinking about doing that feels awkward.
Cringe-worthy.
Unnatural.
Especially if no one ever did it for us.
The Journal I Write When They’re Not Around
I have a journal for each of my kids.
Every now and then, usually when they’re not with me, I write in it:
- warm thoughts about how I feel about them
- prayers I’m praying for them
- hopes and desires I have for their future
Nothing negative.
No lectures.
No “you need to do better”.
Just love, pride, and belief in who they are becoming.
Sometimes, when I’ve written a new entry, I leave it by their bed for them to read.
Most of the time it lives in my room, and they can pick it up whenever they want.
I haven’t done it in a while.
And that realisation hit me hard.
Because those words don’t just disappear.
They become something they can return to.
Something that says, “I am seen. I am valued. I matter.”
Why This Matters More Than We Think
Research backs this up.
Studies in child psychology consistently show that:
- Children who receive specific positive feedback develop stronger self-esteem.
- Feeling valued at home helps children handle stress and peer pressure better.
- Emotional affirmation from parents is linked to better mental health and resilience.
In simple terms:
What we say about our children becomes part of how they see themselves.
If all they hear is:
- “Why haven’t you…?”
- “You need to…”
- “What’s wrong now?”
They start to believe they are mainly a problem to be fixed.
But when they hear:
- “I love how kind you are.”
- “I admire how you keep trying.”
- “I’m proud of the way you handled that.”
They learn:
I am more than my mistakes.
I am valued for who I am, not just what I do.
We Celebrate Results… But Not Always Character
We celebrate:
- good grades
- trophies
- achievements
But do we celebrate:
- their empathy
- their humour
- their determination
- their creativity
- their courage
We often notice what needs improving faster than what’s already good.
And yes, guidance matters.
Discipline matters.
Boundaries matter.
But so does celebration.
Not once a year.
Not only on birthdays.
Not only when they’ve “earned it”.
Just… often.
A Small Practice That Can Change Everything
You don’t need a journal like mine.
You don’t need fancy words.
You can start with:
- a sentence before bed
- a note in their bag
- a message on their phone
- a moment in the car
“I love how thoughtful you were today.”
“I noticed how patient you were with your sibling.”
“I really admire your honesty.”
It might feel strange at first.
That’s okay.
Growth often does.
But imagine your child growing up with an inner voice that sounds like yours…
kind
encouraging
believing
Instead of critical.
Instead of harsh.
Instead of silent.
A Gentle Challenge for Us as Parents
After reading this blog, why not write a list of the things you love about each of your kids and then read it out to each one separately? You can go a step further and give them the list as a keepsake so they don’t forget.
And if you are like me, you want to keep a journal; that would be ace.
The key though is to try and make appreciating your kids a regular part of your day.
You’ve got this.
